dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
