That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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