What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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