I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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