Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
