And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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