Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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