Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
