She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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