he puts the penis in happiness.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
