We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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