I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
