I looked at my own cervix.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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