omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
