Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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