the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize