Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
