absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize