Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
