If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
