i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
