I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
