just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize