You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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