How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
