It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize