I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
