Jerry, you need to find god
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
