I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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