I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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