Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
