His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
