i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
