the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize