I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
