Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
