I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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