I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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