god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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