Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize