The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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