I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
