In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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