Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
