I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
