My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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