of course. lets lasso hookers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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