I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
