Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
