Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
