did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
