now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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