dude i'm inner monologue high
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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