Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
