All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
