I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
