yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
