I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
