Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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