i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
