no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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