At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize