My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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