Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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