dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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