Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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