mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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