did you get engaged???
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
