I can text with my tongue
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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