i just had sex bonerless
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
