so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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