i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
