I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
