We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
