xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize