According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
