it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
In America we eat man semen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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