So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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