I just made out with a guy for $7.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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