God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
