either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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