I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
