smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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