Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
