The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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