WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
