He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
