i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
