My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
