Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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