He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
