whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
