She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
