I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
