I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
