How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There's even glitter on my cock...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize