dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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