well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
