the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
